Better Blog Today

Unbelievable Gift

Quite a day. We drove to the orphanage in our van. 2 of the other 3 families met us there. We were the first to arrive and we had our guide explain to the director, Ms. Pan, that Carson is still calling his foster mother a lot. She talked to him about calling once a week and about being respectful to his parents in his behavior. We saw all of the rooms that the children use, bathrooms, shower rooms, exercise, classroom, assembly. Carson seemed to be a hit with the younger children, especially when he passed out the candy we brought. He acted like a wild child, running and flitting from place to place. He kept teasing other adults and I was so much at a loss for what to do. We had lunch there and our guide told us that the director and one of the caregivers said that we needed to discipline him more. It was difficult for me not to cry at that point because I will not spank him and I will not be rough. When he caused trouble at the lunch table with the president sitting next to Keith, I asked our guide what those 2 people would have expected me to do in that situation. She couldn’t answer. Nothing is easy right now.

We tried to shop to get Carson some more clothes. He kept dropping like a lump to the ground so Keith finally picked him up to carry him down the steps. Carson bit him and we both knew that it was time to step up the discipline. We sat on a bench with him in between us and Maggie kneeling. She talked to him for a long time. It was interesting that he stayed leaning against Keith during the whole time. I finally asked her to ask him if he wanted to be with us. He said no and my response was that we were his parents, he was our son and that was that. We loved him and in the Crossley family, we do not hurt each other. We found a place to buy DVD’s. He tolerated me because I bought them and gave them to him. I use tolerate loosely. He was very clear that he wants nothing to do with me.

After shopping, we drove to JinZhou district where Carson was born. His information told us that he was born in a hospital and his parents disappeared while there. Not true. Carson kept dropping like a lump to the floor so Keith stayed with him in the lobby while Maggie and I went to the maternity floor. We looked into a room and a nurse came out. Maggie told her why we were there and the woman started to cry at his name. She was the one who found him! He was not born at the hospital. He was abandoned there in the corridor. He had a note that he was one month old, so his birthdate as given to us is incorrect. He was wrapped in a warm sleeping bag. This nurse (who is now the Director of Nursing) called the police and many of them came. It was unusual to have a baby abandoned in a hospital. They took him to the police station (consistent with our information) and one day later taken to the Dalian Social welfare Institute. The nurse wanted to meet him so Maggie went to get Keith and Carson. While this was happening, there was a pregnant woman lying on the table next to me having some sort of test with a fetal monitor listening to the whole thing. When Keith and Carson came in, up to a dozen people kept coming in and out and listening to the story. I think the story was spreading among the staff. I asked Maggie if Carson was uncomfortable and she thought not. She thought this could be very healing for him to have a beginning to his story, even one that is a month from his birth. She told him how lucky he was and all of those other predictable things. She also told him that he was a very lucky boy to be found be her and to be saved by us. Other children in the orphanage are not so lucky. He is to treat his parents with respect and learn as much as he can. She expects him to go to University and come back in 10 years to see her. There were several other details of his abandonment that we will keep private for him. This was an amazing gift that we did not expect.

Maggie came to our room to be sure that we could handle getting DVD’s going with Chinese instructions. Carson actually asked her to ask me if he could call his f mother one time tonight and then watch one of the new DVD’s!! I said yes and he gave me a thumbs up. He has watched one now and gave me a hug and wo ai ni when done. He is now happily splashing in the tub, which he requested. I have no illusion that the rest of the trip will be a piece of cake but the last hour of easier time with him gives me hope.

The comments and emails you all are sending are enormously helpful. It feels very much like Keith and Carole against the world. Being stared at as you stand by a lump of 8 year old on the ground is getting old!

More tomorrow!