We are back from the swearing in ceremony and starting the preparations for home. I finished the shopping tonight and bought another suitcase. One more silver lining to Carson’s behavior is that I have done much less shopping this trip.
We have gone all day without one negative outburst. It is now 7 PM. We met up with some other families at noon in Shamian park. They were a half hour late and Carson actually didn’t get upset. He was very excited about shooting off the confetti flowers and we were worried that he would go nuts when they didn’t show up. However, he behaved during the whole event. He and baba went back to the room while I did a little shopping before the swearing in. He was fine during the whole consulate procedure, although he did enjoy talking to anyone official. Most of them good naturedly chatted with him.
He has really wanted to be carried by Keith this last couple of days. With self-preservation in mind, Keith has obliged.
We check out at 5:30 AM in the morning headed to Hong Kong. We have 3 hours to wait in the airport there before heading to San Francisco. Then a shorter wait in SF for our last flight. Let’s hope that Carson does some sleeping on the flights to pass the time.
We can’t wait to get to California away from all the smoke here. Our girls will be releasing their last balloon for us and we are eager to follow it.
Hope and Hannah, we‘re almost there!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
A Silver Lining: Roses
As the Room Service guy was headed up to take away our cart, Carson took the rose adn went into the bathroom. After the lovely man left, I found all th erose petals on the bathroom floor. Instead of getting upset, I have found a silver lining. Tomorrow morning, I am going to have a rose scented bath. I tossed them in the tub and they are waiting for me.
Have I gone over the deep edge?
Have I gone over the deep edge?
The Bird No Longer Chirps
I will only write pleasant things tonight. Other than Carson getting friendly with the coi during breakfast, we started our day well. We opted out of both temple tours as we thought Carson would not enjoy them. We headed for the playground around 1 and spent nearly 4 hours there. Carson buddied up with a couple of neighborhood boys and had a great time. It was so great watching him in what probably felt like a more natural environment for him. A couple of times he and his buddies left the play area and ducked into alleyways or gates and Keith chased them. Probably normal boy stuff. We ended up kind of covering both ends of the play area just in case. Four hours is a long time to hang at a playground, but in our case, was a welcome respite.
We took some laundry to a local shop. I look forward to picking it up as I remember how wonderfully clean and pressed it all came back. I will also do most of my shopping tomorrow without the boys. I have a list and GZ is definitely the place to do it.
Tomorrow is the red Couch picture and the trip to the Pearl Market. Keith and Carson will skip this trip and I will spend a blissful hour and a half with the group. The Pearl market is a 7 (or 8?) story market with wholesale jewelry shops. We bought a great deal there last trip, including Hope and Hannah’s 16th birthday pearls. I will enjoy tomorrow more than any other day here thus far.
Our swearing in ceremony is the day after tomorrow which feels kind of odd. Last time, we did the searing in and then all walked back for the photos. However it happens this time, I don’t really care. Just get us back home. These extra days that Dalian has required are starting to wear on me. We skyped with the girls this morning and they told us that they released a star balloon last night to help us find out way home. Another one goes up tonight.
The bird no longer chirps. Carson snuck it into the bathtub with him this morning. After it dried out some it makes a very sick noise. It’s sort of like an injured animal in slow motion. We had our guide explain to him that anything with batteries cannot go into the water. We also had him explain that if he continues to destroy things, we will stop buying them.
Impressions from this trip:
After spending so many hours on the playground this trip, it is clear that the people love their children so much. They get out there and play, not view from the sideline.
The people here really try to make everything look pretty. Even things that look a little garish to us are really attempts to create beauty. Plants are everywhere. Silk or paper flowers are on so many things. Simple can be so beautiful.
Several people have asked to practice their English on us. I enjoyed it this time. Even children on the playground have come up saying “hello, what is your name?” They had such big smiles and it was fun.
Noodles: how many ways can you cook noodles? There must be hundreds because every time I eat them it is different and good. I have to find out where to find udon noodles at home. I ate them every morning in Shenyang.
The adoptive families: those of you yet to come will find out what I mean here soon. When you sit at breakfast at the White Swan, you will see dozens of families with new members. When you think about the impact that these families are having on the lives of so many people it is overwhelming. Our first morning back here, I sat just looking with tears. One family, one person can have such a positive impact on this world. I know that most of us are not adopting just to change the world. For Keith and I that is part of the reason, but mostly it is to grow our family in a meaningful way. To be part of this adoption family is special and a life changing thing. Carson is testing us and we will pass. Wow. What a ride life can be!!
We took some laundry to a local shop. I look forward to picking it up as I remember how wonderfully clean and pressed it all came back. I will also do most of my shopping tomorrow without the boys. I have a list and GZ is definitely the place to do it.
Tomorrow is the red Couch picture and the trip to the Pearl Market. Keith and Carson will skip this trip and I will spend a blissful hour and a half with the group. The Pearl market is a 7 (or 8?) story market with wholesale jewelry shops. We bought a great deal there last trip, including Hope and Hannah’s 16th birthday pearls. I will enjoy tomorrow more than any other day here thus far.
Our swearing in ceremony is the day after tomorrow which feels kind of odd. Last time, we did the searing in and then all walked back for the photos. However it happens this time, I don’t really care. Just get us back home. These extra days that Dalian has required are starting to wear on me. We skyped with the girls this morning and they told us that they released a star balloon last night to help us find out way home. Another one goes up tonight.
The bird no longer chirps. Carson snuck it into the bathtub with him this morning. After it dried out some it makes a very sick noise. It’s sort of like an injured animal in slow motion. We had our guide explain to him that anything with batteries cannot go into the water. We also had him explain that if he continues to destroy things, we will stop buying them.
Impressions from this trip:
After spending so many hours on the playground this trip, it is clear that the people love their children so much. They get out there and play, not view from the sideline.
The people here really try to make everything look pretty. Even things that look a little garish to us are really attempts to create beauty. Plants are everywhere. Silk or paper flowers are on so many things. Simple can be so beautiful.
Several people have asked to practice their English on us. I enjoyed it this time. Even children on the playground have come up saying “hello, what is your name?” They had such big smiles and it was fun.
Noodles: how many ways can you cook noodles? There must be hundreds because every time I eat them it is different and good. I have to find out where to find udon noodles at home. I ate them every morning in Shenyang.
The adoptive families: those of you yet to come will find out what I mean here soon. When you sit at breakfast at the White Swan, you will see dozens of families with new members. When you think about the impact that these families are having on the lives of so many people it is overwhelming. Our first morning back here, I sat just looking with tears. One family, one person can have such a positive impact on this world. I know that most of us are not adopting just to change the world. For Keith and I that is part of the reason, but mostly it is to grow our family in a meaningful way. To be part of this adoption family is special and a life changing thing. Carson is testing us and we will pass. Wow. What a ride life can be!!
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Good-bye Shenyang, Hello Guangzhou!
I am trying to remember that sometimes we have to get through pain to get to the joy waiting for us. Carson had told our guide he was nervous about flying. Keith bought him a book showing all the different parts of the airport and loading the plane, etc. Isn’t my husband a smart guy for thinking of looking for that at the bookstore in Shenyang?! As we were sitting to take off, Carson was quietly crying. I put my hand on him for comfort. It’s hard to know what acceptable affection for an 8year old is and I don’t want to embarrass him. As soon as we started taxiing, he sat up and watched it all through the window.
It was a four hour flight and about halfway through, he again started to cry. This was a more violent painful cry and I am guessing that he was realizing that he was leaving his home. How scary must that be?? I was in tears because I knew I couldn’t help. He started to look in his pockets, and mine, getting very frantic. We thought we would have to get a flight attendant to speak to him in Chinese and find out what was wrong. I finally realized that he might want the phone number to our guide and his foster mother. Once I showed him that we had them, he put them in his hands, folded his arms on his tray table and went to sleep.
When we arrived, he was perfectly willing to slip his hand in mine as we navigated the throngs of people getting on the tram and our in the next terminal. I think the highlight of his trip so far is riding the luggage cart with his baba! Baba may be a big kid himself since he kept doing little spins and other things with the cart while we waited for the luggage. After we loaded up we met our guide with Carson now firmly entrenched on the luggage cart I was pushing. I was in heaven. I felt like we looked like a normal, happy family with a little boy having a good time. Do you know what that felt like? Better than the grande single mocha that I am seriously missing! Finally, we weren’t the family that other adoptive families were looking at thinking, “Thank heavens that isn’t us!”
Driving down the ramp to the White Swan Hotel was like a dream. I truly felt like we were coming home. It was the first familiar moment on the trip and Carson was enjoying the view. He also likes our guide, Elvin, a lot. We got settled in the room and ordered some dinner. I really lucked out. I spilled a little ketchup on Carson top cover. So, he refused to sleep in it and took my bed. So, I didn’t have to sleep in the concrete bed!!! You BTDT people know what a coup that is! My hope is that he has now commandeered my bed and I get the rollaway for the rest of the trip. On our lat trip, our then 16 year old daughter Hilary was with us. I offered to pay her $100.00 to have her rollaway. No dice. Maybe we should have spilled ketchup on it!
This morning was the medical exam. Carson had a blast. Each child has to go to several “stations” to be examined. ENT, vision, height & weight, etc. we had a scary moment when the doctor read the form we filled out which said that he was healthy but then we answered yes to whether he had ever been hospitalized. He spent one week in the hospital for a circumcision so they were saying that our answers didn’t match. Little did we know that a circumcision is related to special needs! He also wanted to know if our home study addressed this. Of course it didn’t because that knowledge came much later. Our guide did some speaking with the doctor and everything was ok. This was a nice doctor who joked around with Carson a lot. Carson measured the doctor’s head and he told us that even by Chinese standards this was a naughty boy. I’ve come to the conclusion that when the Chinese say “naughty” they mean mischievous.
We had 1.5 hours of paperwork after that. Only one parent was to come and Keith said we were going to rock, paper, scissors for it. You know it’s bad when you are begging to do paperwork instead of being with the child! I won! When I came back, Carson finished up his dvd and we went walking. We walked around for awhile and found a restaurant, the Darling Coffee Fort, where we had lunch. The ladies there gave him the what-for when he ordered a dessert and no lunch. He finally ordered rice with egg. They took his books away when he wouldn’t eat and made him sit up. Although I am not a fan of other people disciplining my children, I am now a weakling. Keith is right behind me. It was actually a very restful hour until I had to use my frst squat toilet of the trip. When you gotta, you gotta.
We walked to the play area (after a chase up three flights of stairs of an apartment building to bring him down) and Carson played for more than an hour. He is a master of the monkey bars. He may not have ever had so much time on equipment because his hands were getting blisters and he wouldn’t quit. I absolutely loved watching daddy lifting him up to the high bars and doing the teeter-totter with him.
We went to Jordan’s Place where we had bought some beautiful things and a suitcase three years ago. He actually remembered me. He was great with Carson. I think his personality gets him lots of sales. His son is Carsons age so they had a great time together. He translated a lot for us and we really are seeing that Carson is a clown and has a great sense of humor. We bought a wooden Chinese checkers set since Carson said he knew how to play. We’ll see if that is what the marbles get used for or not. He also picked something out that I know we will be sorry for. It is a little bird in a bamboo cage that chirps. And chirps. And chirps. I told you we are in a weakened state. We’ll see if the bird meets an early demise. Jordan also wrote Guo Zhou incharacters for us and we asked him to give us the Chinese meaning for Carson. Get this. Car means easy. Son means fresh. Easy has not yet applied but fresh certainly has.
With all said up to this point, it would be easy to assume that we are not bonding with our son. Quite the contrary. I have often been drawn to the children in my work that are the most challenging. Carson has a pull. Those eyes, that warm little hand slipping into yours when you don’t expect it, the snuggle that comes from somewhere that I can’t see, the laugh he has that can bring you to tears when you see that he is really happy; that is Carson. He is depending on us in certain moments. Those will increase. He is loving us. That will only get stronger. He is a Crossley, plain and simple.
It was a four hour flight and about halfway through, he again started to cry. This was a more violent painful cry and I am guessing that he was realizing that he was leaving his home. How scary must that be?? I was in tears because I knew I couldn’t help. He started to look in his pockets, and mine, getting very frantic. We thought we would have to get a flight attendant to speak to him in Chinese and find out what was wrong. I finally realized that he might want the phone number to our guide and his foster mother. Once I showed him that we had them, he put them in his hands, folded his arms on his tray table and went to sleep.
When we arrived, he was perfectly willing to slip his hand in mine as we navigated the throngs of people getting on the tram and our in the next terminal. I think the highlight of his trip so far is riding the luggage cart with his baba! Baba may be a big kid himself since he kept doing little spins and other things with the cart while we waited for the luggage. After we loaded up we met our guide with Carson now firmly entrenched on the luggage cart I was pushing. I was in heaven. I felt like we looked like a normal, happy family with a little boy having a good time. Do you know what that felt like? Better than the grande single mocha that I am seriously missing! Finally, we weren’t the family that other adoptive families were looking at thinking, “Thank heavens that isn’t us!”
Driving down the ramp to the White Swan Hotel was like a dream. I truly felt like we were coming home. It was the first familiar moment on the trip and Carson was enjoying the view. He also likes our guide, Elvin, a lot. We got settled in the room and ordered some dinner. I really lucked out. I spilled a little ketchup on Carson top cover. So, he refused to sleep in it and took my bed. So, I didn’t have to sleep in the concrete bed!!! You BTDT people know what a coup that is! My hope is that he has now commandeered my bed and I get the rollaway for the rest of the trip. On our lat trip, our then 16 year old daughter Hilary was with us. I offered to pay her $100.00 to have her rollaway. No dice. Maybe we should have spilled ketchup on it!
This morning was the medical exam. Carson had a blast. Each child has to go to several “stations” to be examined. ENT, vision, height & weight, etc. we had a scary moment when the doctor read the form we filled out which said that he was healthy but then we answered yes to whether he had ever been hospitalized. He spent one week in the hospital for a circumcision so they were saying that our answers didn’t match. Little did we know that a circumcision is related to special needs! He also wanted to know if our home study addressed this. Of course it didn’t because that knowledge came much later. Our guide did some speaking with the doctor and everything was ok. This was a nice doctor who joked around with Carson a lot. Carson measured the doctor’s head and he told us that even by Chinese standards this was a naughty boy. I’ve come to the conclusion that when the Chinese say “naughty” they mean mischievous.
We had 1.5 hours of paperwork after that. Only one parent was to come and Keith said we were going to rock, paper, scissors for it. You know it’s bad when you are begging to do paperwork instead of being with the child! I won! When I came back, Carson finished up his dvd and we went walking. We walked around for awhile and found a restaurant, the Darling Coffee Fort, where we had lunch. The ladies there gave him the what-for when he ordered a dessert and no lunch. He finally ordered rice with egg. They took his books away when he wouldn’t eat and made him sit up. Although I am not a fan of other people disciplining my children, I am now a weakling. Keith is right behind me. It was actually a very restful hour until I had to use my frst squat toilet of the trip. When you gotta, you gotta.
We walked to the play area (after a chase up three flights of stairs of an apartment building to bring him down) and Carson played for more than an hour. He is a master of the monkey bars. He may not have ever had so much time on equipment because his hands were getting blisters and he wouldn’t quit. I absolutely loved watching daddy lifting him up to the high bars and doing the teeter-totter with him.
We went to Jordan’s Place where we had bought some beautiful things and a suitcase three years ago. He actually remembered me. He was great with Carson. I think his personality gets him lots of sales. His son is Carsons age so they had a great time together. He translated a lot for us and we really are seeing that Carson is a clown and has a great sense of humor. We bought a wooden Chinese checkers set since Carson said he knew how to play. We’ll see if that is what the marbles get used for or not. He also picked something out that I know we will be sorry for. It is a little bird in a bamboo cage that chirps. And chirps. And chirps. I told you we are in a weakened state. We’ll see if the bird meets an early demise. Jordan also wrote Guo Zhou incharacters for us and we asked him to give us the Chinese meaning for Carson. Get this. Car means easy. Son means fresh. Easy has not yet applied but fresh certainly has.
With all said up to this point, it would be easy to assume that we are not bonding with our son. Quite the contrary. I have often been drawn to the children in my work that are the most challenging. Carson has a pull. Those eyes, that warm little hand slipping into yours when you don’t expect it, the snuggle that comes from somewhere that I can’t see, the laugh he has that can bring you to tears when you see that he is really happy; that is Carson. He is depending on us in certain moments. Those will increase. He is loving us. That will only get stronger. He is a Crossley, plain and simple.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Last Night in Shenyang
Interesting day. One that fills me with hope. We had only one difficult episode this morning with Carson. Much of the other stuff was what I am beginning to believe is typical boy behavior.
We all slept in and ate things that we had in the room. We ventured out around 12:30 and headed back toward the street with the little vendors. We had lunch and walked around some. I believe it was in the low 40’s. At what temperature do you stop feeling your cheeks?
We came back to the room in the late afternoon and inspected the papers that our guide brought to us. This was our last chance to correct anything before going to GZ. She talked to Carson about getting on a plane. He said that he was nervous because he had never done it before. I can relate! He asked her if she would ask us if it was ok to call his foster mother and tell her he was leaving Shenyang. I said yes and asked if he could get her address so that we can continue to send her pictures and updates. Carson said that he already had her address in his backpack! Maggie checked and it was missing the zip code. He said he would get it.
Later he called her. It was odd. He called from the bathroom. It sounded like a calm conversation and I heard Guangzhou several times. Then I heard him saying his American name! She must have asked him if he had one. He was struggling a bit so I wrote it on a piece of paper and Keith took it to him. Carson said it out loud to himself and then made a noise like “aha” and then repeated it perfectly. I could tell that he was spelling it out for his f mom. He said it several times and sounded almost frustrated that maybe she wasn’t getting it right. It was very cute! He came and asked for a pen. I think he was getting the zip code.
After his call, he came out to where I was reading on the bed. He snuggled me until I sat up and he crawled in my lap. He was hugging me and telling me he loved me, both in English and Chinese. Was this last call with his f mom a bit of closure for him and the gateway to feeling that he could love me now? I am in tears as I write this because I want so much for him to know that I will always cherish him and care for him and protect him from everything I can. I know that eventually, he will trust and feel secure. Many other adoptive moms who adopted older children have said that their childs behavior improved more the farther away from the provincial city they went. You can’t imagine how much I hope that is true.
Maggie told him that we would be meeting up with another family that has 8 and 10 year old boys. I showed him their pictures online tonight and he seems interested. We are anxious to get to GZ. It will feel like home after being in a new place that is so cold and hard to walk around. The weather has been mid 60’s in GZ this past week. Heaven!
Six more days until we hold our little girls again! Thank you, Maury, for sending Halloween pictures of our little princess and pirate!
We all slept in and ate things that we had in the room. We ventured out around 12:30 and headed back toward the street with the little vendors. We had lunch and walked around some. I believe it was in the low 40’s. At what temperature do you stop feeling your cheeks?
We came back to the room in the late afternoon and inspected the papers that our guide brought to us. This was our last chance to correct anything before going to GZ. She talked to Carson about getting on a plane. He said that he was nervous because he had never done it before. I can relate! He asked her if she would ask us if it was ok to call his foster mother and tell her he was leaving Shenyang. I said yes and asked if he could get her address so that we can continue to send her pictures and updates. Carson said that he already had her address in his backpack! Maggie checked and it was missing the zip code. He said he would get it.
Later he called her. It was odd. He called from the bathroom. It sounded like a calm conversation and I heard Guangzhou several times. Then I heard him saying his American name! She must have asked him if he had one. He was struggling a bit so I wrote it on a piece of paper and Keith took it to him. Carson said it out loud to himself and then made a noise like “aha” and then repeated it perfectly. I could tell that he was spelling it out for his f mom. He said it several times and sounded almost frustrated that maybe she wasn’t getting it right. It was very cute! He came and asked for a pen. I think he was getting the zip code.
After his call, he came out to where I was reading on the bed. He snuggled me until I sat up and he crawled in my lap. He was hugging me and telling me he loved me, both in English and Chinese. Was this last call with his f mom a bit of closure for him and the gateway to feeling that he could love me now? I am in tears as I write this because I want so much for him to know that I will always cherish him and care for him and protect him from everything I can. I know that eventually, he will trust and feel secure. Many other adoptive moms who adopted older children have said that their childs behavior improved more the farther away from the provincial city they went. You can’t imagine how much I hope that is true.
Maggie told him that we would be meeting up with another family that has 8 and 10 year old boys. I showed him their pictures online tonight and he seems interested. We are anxious to get to GZ. It will feel like home after being in a new place that is so cold and hard to walk around. The weather has been mid 60’s in GZ this past week. Heaven!
Six more days until we hold our little girls again! Thank you, Maury, for sending Halloween pictures of our little princess and pirate!
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