We are back from the swearing in ceremony and starting the preparations for home. I finished the shopping tonight and bought another suitcase. One more silver lining to Carson’s behavior is that I have done much less shopping this trip.
We have gone all day without one negative outburst. It is now 7 PM. We met up with some other families at noon in Shamian park. They were a half hour late and Carson actually didn’t get upset. He was very excited about shooting off the confetti flowers and we were worried that he would go nuts when they didn’t show up. However, he behaved during the whole event. He and baba went back to the room while I did a little shopping before the swearing in. He was fine during the whole consulate procedure, although he did enjoy talking to anyone official. Most of them good naturedly chatted with him.
He has really wanted to be carried by Keith this last couple of days. With self-preservation in mind, Keith has obliged.
We check out at 5:30 AM in the morning headed to Hong Kong. We have 3 hours to wait in the airport there before heading to San Francisco. Then a shorter wait in SF for our last flight. Let’s hope that Carson does some sleeping on the flights to pass the time.
We can’t wait to get to California away from all the smoke here. Our girls will be releasing their last balloon for us and we are eager to follow it.
Hope and Hannah, we‘re almost there!
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
A Silver Lining: Roses
As the Room Service guy was headed up to take away our cart, Carson took the rose adn went into the bathroom. After the lovely man left, I found all th erose petals on the bathroom floor. Instead of getting upset, I have found a silver lining. Tomorrow morning, I am going to have a rose scented bath. I tossed them in the tub and they are waiting for me.
Have I gone over the deep edge?
Have I gone over the deep edge?
The Bird No Longer Chirps
I will only write pleasant things tonight. Other than Carson getting friendly with the coi during breakfast, we started our day well. We opted out of both temple tours as we thought Carson would not enjoy them. We headed for the playground around 1 and spent nearly 4 hours there. Carson buddied up with a couple of neighborhood boys and had a great time. It was so great watching him in what probably felt like a more natural environment for him. A couple of times he and his buddies left the play area and ducked into alleyways or gates and Keith chased them. Probably normal boy stuff. We ended up kind of covering both ends of the play area just in case. Four hours is a long time to hang at a playground, but in our case, was a welcome respite.
We took some laundry to a local shop. I look forward to picking it up as I remember how wonderfully clean and pressed it all came back. I will also do most of my shopping tomorrow without the boys. I have a list and GZ is definitely the place to do it.
Tomorrow is the red Couch picture and the trip to the Pearl Market. Keith and Carson will skip this trip and I will spend a blissful hour and a half with the group. The Pearl market is a 7 (or 8?) story market with wholesale jewelry shops. We bought a great deal there last trip, including Hope and Hannah’s 16th birthday pearls. I will enjoy tomorrow more than any other day here thus far.
Our swearing in ceremony is the day after tomorrow which feels kind of odd. Last time, we did the searing in and then all walked back for the photos. However it happens this time, I don’t really care. Just get us back home. These extra days that Dalian has required are starting to wear on me. We skyped with the girls this morning and they told us that they released a star balloon last night to help us find out way home. Another one goes up tonight.
The bird no longer chirps. Carson snuck it into the bathtub with him this morning. After it dried out some it makes a very sick noise. It’s sort of like an injured animal in slow motion. We had our guide explain to him that anything with batteries cannot go into the water. We also had him explain that if he continues to destroy things, we will stop buying them.
Impressions from this trip:
After spending so many hours on the playground this trip, it is clear that the people love their children so much. They get out there and play, not view from the sideline.
The people here really try to make everything look pretty. Even things that look a little garish to us are really attempts to create beauty. Plants are everywhere. Silk or paper flowers are on so many things. Simple can be so beautiful.
Several people have asked to practice their English on us. I enjoyed it this time. Even children on the playground have come up saying “hello, what is your name?” They had such big smiles and it was fun.
Noodles: how many ways can you cook noodles? There must be hundreds because every time I eat them it is different and good. I have to find out where to find udon noodles at home. I ate them every morning in Shenyang.
The adoptive families: those of you yet to come will find out what I mean here soon. When you sit at breakfast at the White Swan, you will see dozens of families with new members. When you think about the impact that these families are having on the lives of so many people it is overwhelming. Our first morning back here, I sat just looking with tears. One family, one person can have such a positive impact on this world. I know that most of us are not adopting just to change the world. For Keith and I that is part of the reason, but mostly it is to grow our family in a meaningful way. To be part of this adoption family is special and a life changing thing. Carson is testing us and we will pass. Wow. What a ride life can be!!
We took some laundry to a local shop. I look forward to picking it up as I remember how wonderfully clean and pressed it all came back. I will also do most of my shopping tomorrow without the boys. I have a list and GZ is definitely the place to do it.
Tomorrow is the red Couch picture and the trip to the Pearl Market. Keith and Carson will skip this trip and I will spend a blissful hour and a half with the group. The Pearl market is a 7 (or 8?) story market with wholesale jewelry shops. We bought a great deal there last trip, including Hope and Hannah’s 16th birthday pearls. I will enjoy tomorrow more than any other day here thus far.
Our swearing in ceremony is the day after tomorrow which feels kind of odd. Last time, we did the searing in and then all walked back for the photos. However it happens this time, I don’t really care. Just get us back home. These extra days that Dalian has required are starting to wear on me. We skyped with the girls this morning and they told us that they released a star balloon last night to help us find out way home. Another one goes up tonight.
The bird no longer chirps. Carson snuck it into the bathtub with him this morning. After it dried out some it makes a very sick noise. It’s sort of like an injured animal in slow motion. We had our guide explain to him that anything with batteries cannot go into the water. We also had him explain that if he continues to destroy things, we will stop buying them.
Impressions from this trip:
After spending so many hours on the playground this trip, it is clear that the people love their children so much. They get out there and play, not view from the sideline.
The people here really try to make everything look pretty. Even things that look a little garish to us are really attempts to create beauty. Plants are everywhere. Silk or paper flowers are on so many things. Simple can be so beautiful.
Several people have asked to practice their English on us. I enjoyed it this time. Even children on the playground have come up saying “hello, what is your name?” They had such big smiles and it was fun.
Noodles: how many ways can you cook noodles? There must be hundreds because every time I eat them it is different and good. I have to find out where to find udon noodles at home. I ate them every morning in Shenyang.
The adoptive families: those of you yet to come will find out what I mean here soon. When you sit at breakfast at the White Swan, you will see dozens of families with new members. When you think about the impact that these families are having on the lives of so many people it is overwhelming. Our first morning back here, I sat just looking with tears. One family, one person can have such a positive impact on this world. I know that most of us are not adopting just to change the world. For Keith and I that is part of the reason, but mostly it is to grow our family in a meaningful way. To be part of this adoption family is special and a life changing thing. Carson is testing us and we will pass. Wow. What a ride life can be!!
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Good-bye Shenyang, Hello Guangzhou!
I am trying to remember that sometimes we have to get through pain to get to the joy waiting for us. Carson had told our guide he was nervous about flying. Keith bought him a book showing all the different parts of the airport and loading the plane, etc. Isn’t my husband a smart guy for thinking of looking for that at the bookstore in Shenyang?! As we were sitting to take off, Carson was quietly crying. I put my hand on him for comfort. It’s hard to know what acceptable affection for an 8year old is and I don’t want to embarrass him. As soon as we started taxiing, he sat up and watched it all through the window.
It was a four hour flight and about halfway through, he again started to cry. This was a more violent painful cry and I am guessing that he was realizing that he was leaving his home. How scary must that be?? I was in tears because I knew I couldn’t help. He started to look in his pockets, and mine, getting very frantic. We thought we would have to get a flight attendant to speak to him in Chinese and find out what was wrong. I finally realized that he might want the phone number to our guide and his foster mother. Once I showed him that we had them, he put them in his hands, folded his arms on his tray table and went to sleep.
When we arrived, he was perfectly willing to slip his hand in mine as we navigated the throngs of people getting on the tram and our in the next terminal. I think the highlight of his trip so far is riding the luggage cart with his baba! Baba may be a big kid himself since he kept doing little spins and other things with the cart while we waited for the luggage. After we loaded up we met our guide with Carson now firmly entrenched on the luggage cart I was pushing. I was in heaven. I felt like we looked like a normal, happy family with a little boy having a good time. Do you know what that felt like? Better than the grande single mocha that I am seriously missing! Finally, we weren’t the family that other adoptive families were looking at thinking, “Thank heavens that isn’t us!”
Driving down the ramp to the White Swan Hotel was like a dream. I truly felt like we were coming home. It was the first familiar moment on the trip and Carson was enjoying the view. He also likes our guide, Elvin, a lot. We got settled in the room and ordered some dinner. I really lucked out. I spilled a little ketchup on Carson top cover. So, he refused to sleep in it and took my bed. So, I didn’t have to sleep in the concrete bed!!! You BTDT people know what a coup that is! My hope is that he has now commandeered my bed and I get the rollaway for the rest of the trip. On our lat trip, our then 16 year old daughter Hilary was with us. I offered to pay her $100.00 to have her rollaway. No dice. Maybe we should have spilled ketchup on it!
This morning was the medical exam. Carson had a blast. Each child has to go to several “stations” to be examined. ENT, vision, height & weight, etc. we had a scary moment when the doctor read the form we filled out which said that he was healthy but then we answered yes to whether he had ever been hospitalized. He spent one week in the hospital for a circumcision so they were saying that our answers didn’t match. Little did we know that a circumcision is related to special needs! He also wanted to know if our home study addressed this. Of course it didn’t because that knowledge came much later. Our guide did some speaking with the doctor and everything was ok. This was a nice doctor who joked around with Carson a lot. Carson measured the doctor’s head and he told us that even by Chinese standards this was a naughty boy. I’ve come to the conclusion that when the Chinese say “naughty” they mean mischievous.
We had 1.5 hours of paperwork after that. Only one parent was to come and Keith said we were going to rock, paper, scissors for it. You know it’s bad when you are begging to do paperwork instead of being with the child! I won! When I came back, Carson finished up his dvd and we went walking. We walked around for awhile and found a restaurant, the Darling Coffee Fort, where we had lunch. The ladies there gave him the what-for when he ordered a dessert and no lunch. He finally ordered rice with egg. They took his books away when he wouldn’t eat and made him sit up. Although I am not a fan of other people disciplining my children, I am now a weakling. Keith is right behind me. It was actually a very restful hour until I had to use my frst squat toilet of the trip. When you gotta, you gotta.
We walked to the play area (after a chase up three flights of stairs of an apartment building to bring him down) and Carson played for more than an hour. He is a master of the monkey bars. He may not have ever had so much time on equipment because his hands were getting blisters and he wouldn’t quit. I absolutely loved watching daddy lifting him up to the high bars and doing the teeter-totter with him.
We went to Jordan’s Place where we had bought some beautiful things and a suitcase three years ago. He actually remembered me. He was great with Carson. I think his personality gets him lots of sales. His son is Carsons age so they had a great time together. He translated a lot for us and we really are seeing that Carson is a clown and has a great sense of humor. We bought a wooden Chinese checkers set since Carson said he knew how to play. We’ll see if that is what the marbles get used for or not. He also picked something out that I know we will be sorry for. It is a little bird in a bamboo cage that chirps. And chirps. And chirps. I told you we are in a weakened state. We’ll see if the bird meets an early demise. Jordan also wrote Guo Zhou incharacters for us and we asked him to give us the Chinese meaning for Carson. Get this. Car means easy. Son means fresh. Easy has not yet applied but fresh certainly has.
With all said up to this point, it would be easy to assume that we are not bonding with our son. Quite the contrary. I have often been drawn to the children in my work that are the most challenging. Carson has a pull. Those eyes, that warm little hand slipping into yours when you don’t expect it, the snuggle that comes from somewhere that I can’t see, the laugh he has that can bring you to tears when you see that he is really happy; that is Carson. He is depending on us in certain moments. Those will increase. He is loving us. That will only get stronger. He is a Crossley, plain and simple.
It was a four hour flight and about halfway through, he again started to cry. This was a more violent painful cry and I am guessing that he was realizing that he was leaving his home. How scary must that be?? I was in tears because I knew I couldn’t help. He started to look in his pockets, and mine, getting very frantic. We thought we would have to get a flight attendant to speak to him in Chinese and find out what was wrong. I finally realized that he might want the phone number to our guide and his foster mother. Once I showed him that we had them, he put them in his hands, folded his arms on his tray table and went to sleep.
When we arrived, he was perfectly willing to slip his hand in mine as we navigated the throngs of people getting on the tram and our in the next terminal. I think the highlight of his trip so far is riding the luggage cart with his baba! Baba may be a big kid himself since he kept doing little spins and other things with the cart while we waited for the luggage. After we loaded up we met our guide with Carson now firmly entrenched on the luggage cart I was pushing. I was in heaven. I felt like we looked like a normal, happy family with a little boy having a good time. Do you know what that felt like? Better than the grande single mocha that I am seriously missing! Finally, we weren’t the family that other adoptive families were looking at thinking, “Thank heavens that isn’t us!”
Driving down the ramp to the White Swan Hotel was like a dream. I truly felt like we were coming home. It was the first familiar moment on the trip and Carson was enjoying the view. He also likes our guide, Elvin, a lot. We got settled in the room and ordered some dinner. I really lucked out. I spilled a little ketchup on Carson top cover. So, he refused to sleep in it and took my bed. So, I didn’t have to sleep in the concrete bed!!! You BTDT people know what a coup that is! My hope is that he has now commandeered my bed and I get the rollaway for the rest of the trip. On our lat trip, our then 16 year old daughter Hilary was with us. I offered to pay her $100.00 to have her rollaway. No dice. Maybe we should have spilled ketchup on it!
This morning was the medical exam. Carson had a blast. Each child has to go to several “stations” to be examined. ENT, vision, height & weight, etc. we had a scary moment when the doctor read the form we filled out which said that he was healthy but then we answered yes to whether he had ever been hospitalized. He spent one week in the hospital for a circumcision so they were saying that our answers didn’t match. Little did we know that a circumcision is related to special needs! He also wanted to know if our home study addressed this. Of course it didn’t because that knowledge came much later. Our guide did some speaking with the doctor and everything was ok. This was a nice doctor who joked around with Carson a lot. Carson measured the doctor’s head and he told us that even by Chinese standards this was a naughty boy. I’ve come to the conclusion that when the Chinese say “naughty” they mean mischievous.
We had 1.5 hours of paperwork after that. Only one parent was to come and Keith said we were going to rock, paper, scissors for it. You know it’s bad when you are begging to do paperwork instead of being with the child! I won! When I came back, Carson finished up his dvd and we went walking. We walked around for awhile and found a restaurant, the Darling Coffee Fort, where we had lunch. The ladies there gave him the what-for when he ordered a dessert and no lunch. He finally ordered rice with egg. They took his books away when he wouldn’t eat and made him sit up. Although I am not a fan of other people disciplining my children, I am now a weakling. Keith is right behind me. It was actually a very restful hour until I had to use my frst squat toilet of the trip. When you gotta, you gotta.
We walked to the play area (after a chase up three flights of stairs of an apartment building to bring him down) and Carson played for more than an hour. He is a master of the monkey bars. He may not have ever had so much time on equipment because his hands were getting blisters and he wouldn’t quit. I absolutely loved watching daddy lifting him up to the high bars and doing the teeter-totter with him.
We went to Jordan’s Place where we had bought some beautiful things and a suitcase three years ago. He actually remembered me. He was great with Carson. I think his personality gets him lots of sales. His son is Carsons age so they had a great time together. He translated a lot for us and we really are seeing that Carson is a clown and has a great sense of humor. We bought a wooden Chinese checkers set since Carson said he knew how to play. We’ll see if that is what the marbles get used for or not. He also picked something out that I know we will be sorry for. It is a little bird in a bamboo cage that chirps. And chirps. And chirps. I told you we are in a weakened state. We’ll see if the bird meets an early demise. Jordan also wrote Guo Zhou incharacters for us and we asked him to give us the Chinese meaning for Carson. Get this. Car means easy. Son means fresh. Easy has not yet applied but fresh certainly has.
With all said up to this point, it would be easy to assume that we are not bonding with our son. Quite the contrary. I have often been drawn to the children in my work that are the most challenging. Carson has a pull. Those eyes, that warm little hand slipping into yours when you don’t expect it, the snuggle that comes from somewhere that I can’t see, the laugh he has that can bring you to tears when you see that he is really happy; that is Carson. He is depending on us in certain moments. Those will increase. He is loving us. That will only get stronger. He is a Crossley, plain and simple.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Last Night in Shenyang
Interesting day. One that fills me with hope. We had only one difficult episode this morning with Carson. Much of the other stuff was what I am beginning to believe is typical boy behavior.
We all slept in and ate things that we had in the room. We ventured out around 12:30 and headed back toward the street with the little vendors. We had lunch and walked around some. I believe it was in the low 40’s. At what temperature do you stop feeling your cheeks?
We came back to the room in the late afternoon and inspected the papers that our guide brought to us. This was our last chance to correct anything before going to GZ. She talked to Carson about getting on a plane. He said that he was nervous because he had never done it before. I can relate! He asked her if she would ask us if it was ok to call his foster mother and tell her he was leaving Shenyang. I said yes and asked if he could get her address so that we can continue to send her pictures and updates. Carson said that he already had her address in his backpack! Maggie checked and it was missing the zip code. He said he would get it.
Later he called her. It was odd. He called from the bathroom. It sounded like a calm conversation and I heard Guangzhou several times. Then I heard him saying his American name! She must have asked him if he had one. He was struggling a bit so I wrote it on a piece of paper and Keith took it to him. Carson said it out loud to himself and then made a noise like “aha” and then repeated it perfectly. I could tell that he was spelling it out for his f mom. He said it several times and sounded almost frustrated that maybe she wasn’t getting it right. It was very cute! He came and asked for a pen. I think he was getting the zip code.
After his call, he came out to where I was reading on the bed. He snuggled me until I sat up and he crawled in my lap. He was hugging me and telling me he loved me, both in English and Chinese. Was this last call with his f mom a bit of closure for him and the gateway to feeling that he could love me now? I am in tears as I write this because I want so much for him to know that I will always cherish him and care for him and protect him from everything I can. I know that eventually, he will trust and feel secure. Many other adoptive moms who adopted older children have said that their childs behavior improved more the farther away from the provincial city they went. You can’t imagine how much I hope that is true.
Maggie told him that we would be meeting up with another family that has 8 and 10 year old boys. I showed him their pictures online tonight and he seems interested. We are anxious to get to GZ. It will feel like home after being in a new place that is so cold and hard to walk around. The weather has been mid 60’s in GZ this past week. Heaven!
Six more days until we hold our little girls again! Thank you, Maury, for sending Halloween pictures of our little princess and pirate!
We all slept in and ate things that we had in the room. We ventured out around 12:30 and headed back toward the street with the little vendors. We had lunch and walked around some. I believe it was in the low 40’s. At what temperature do you stop feeling your cheeks?
We came back to the room in the late afternoon and inspected the papers that our guide brought to us. This was our last chance to correct anything before going to GZ. She talked to Carson about getting on a plane. He said that he was nervous because he had never done it before. I can relate! He asked her if she would ask us if it was ok to call his foster mother and tell her he was leaving Shenyang. I said yes and asked if he could get her address so that we can continue to send her pictures and updates. Carson said that he already had her address in his backpack! Maggie checked and it was missing the zip code. He said he would get it.
Later he called her. It was odd. He called from the bathroom. It sounded like a calm conversation and I heard Guangzhou several times. Then I heard him saying his American name! She must have asked him if he had one. He was struggling a bit so I wrote it on a piece of paper and Keith took it to him. Carson said it out loud to himself and then made a noise like “aha” and then repeated it perfectly. I could tell that he was spelling it out for his f mom. He said it several times and sounded almost frustrated that maybe she wasn’t getting it right. It was very cute! He came and asked for a pen. I think he was getting the zip code.
After his call, he came out to where I was reading on the bed. He snuggled me until I sat up and he crawled in my lap. He was hugging me and telling me he loved me, both in English and Chinese. Was this last call with his f mom a bit of closure for him and the gateway to feeling that he could love me now? I am in tears as I write this because I want so much for him to know that I will always cherish him and care for him and protect him from everything I can. I know that eventually, he will trust and feel secure. Many other adoptive moms who adopted older children have said that their childs behavior improved more the farther away from the provincial city they went. You can’t imagine how much I hope that is true.
Maggie told him that we would be meeting up with another family that has 8 and 10 year old boys. I showed him their pictures online tonight and he seems interested. We are anxious to get to GZ. It will feel like home after being in a new place that is so cold and hard to walk around. The weather has been mid 60’s in GZ this past week. Heaven!
Six more days until we hold our little girls again! Thank you, Maury, for sending Halloween pictures of our little princess and pirate!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Day 12 the Tomb
Day 12 The Tomb
How many of you can say that you have tried to prevent your child from climbing through a 400 year old wall to climb on a tomb? That is how our day went! Actually, Carson was very well behaved at breakfast and for the first hour of our excursion to the tomb of the second emperor of China during the Qing dynasty. We were very impressed and let him know it.
We had a less than stellar afternoon. The guide stayed with us in the room for awhile as the tantrum was pretty serious and I came out with bloody scratches. Not our most successful time in. We let him be for awhile with his books and after two hours went for a brisk walk in the cold around the neighborhood. There is a street being torn up with lots of construction and I think Carson found every dangerous item in the area. That saying that I detest, “Boys will be boys” came to mind over and over. There is so much energy in that little body!
We had dinner in our room and we all did some reading and watched an animal show on tv. It’s about bedtime now. We won’t be with the guide tomorrow as she has to go and get all of our paperwork. We’ll check it over late tomorrow afternoon. We’ll check out of the hotel at noon the day after that and head to Guangzhou. Yahoo!
Thank you so much for all of the messages you are sending. We are uplifted by many and laugh at some of the others! God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. He knew Carson was the right child for us and that we are the right parents for Carson. We will be stronger, more patient, in better shape, and better people.
Wishing we could see our girls for Halloween….our little pirate and princess.
How many of you can say that you have tried to prevent your child from climbing through a 400 year old wall to climb on a tomb? That is how our day went! Actually, Carson was very well behaved at breakfast and for the first hour of our excursion to the tomb of the second emperor of China during the Qing dynasty. We were very impressed and let him know it.
We had a less than stellar afternoon. The guide stayed with us in the room for awhile as the tantrum was pretty serious and I came out with bloody scratches. Not our most successful time in. We let him be for awhile with his books and after two hours went for a brisk walk in the cold around the neighborhood. There is a street being torn up with lots of construction and I think Carson found every dangerous item in the area. That saying that I detest, “Boys will be boys” came to mind over and over. There is so much energy in that little body!
We had dinner in our room and we all did some reading and watched an animal show on tv. It’s about bedtime now. We won’t be with the guide tomorrow as she has to go and get all of our paperwork. We’ll check it over late tomorrow afternoon. We’ll check out of the hotel at noon the day after that and head to Guangzhou. Yahoo!
Thank you so much for all of the messages you are sending. We are uplifted by many and laugh at some of the others! God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. He knew Carson was the right child for us and that we are the right parents for Carson. We will be stronger, more patient, in better shape, and better people.
Wishing we could see our girls for Halloween….our little pirate and princess.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
You Just Never Know
You just never know what a day will bring. I ate breakfast in the hotel alone as Carson would not leave the room. We then went to the Imperial Palace. He seemed fine until we got inside. He refused to do anything and started being pretty physical with Keith again. He took his coat off and tried several times to take his shirt off as well. Our guide sat and talked with him for a long time while she held his wrists. He told her that because he didn’t want to be there, he didn’t want us to enjoy it either. I am very glad we nixed the museum and went to the zoo instead a couple of days ago. I hate all the negative touching this child is receiving but there doesn’t seem to be much choice in public when he acts out. He just trembled in the cold. Keith was finally able to pick him up and we left. Although we would have liked to have seen more of the Imperial Palace, it is small and we have already been to the Forbidden City in Beijing.
We had planned to go to Wal Mart again to try and buy a new camera and some other things. I asked Maggie to ask him if he wanted to go. Thanks heavens he said yes and that Maggie went with us. It was a complete switch. He stayed with us, happily chose more books and some dvd’s, joked around putting other things in the basket. He was like a different child. When we left the store to walk back to where the van was parked, he slipped his hand in mine to cross the street. I think that he knows exactly what he is doing. However, I think once he gets into it, it must be hard for him to climb out. Sort of like a cry that start small and then you don’t know how you got to those great big gasping sobs. It’s easy to get so angry when it is purposefully hurtful but then I remember how hard this might all be for him.
He watched a video in our room and then we ventured out since it wasn’t freezing ( I also bought gloves!). A few blocks from our hotel was a street with little carts and small vendors. He spotted a stuffed panda that we bought. He was great at figuring out the money as we couldn’t tell what the woman was saying and the price was not posted. We bought things at a couple of other vendors and he always did the money. As we walked back to our hotel, he kept playing with his panda. It climbed up trees and took rides on his head. It was hairy for a moment when it set off a car alarm as Carson danced it across the hood of a car. We certainly were stared at then! He asked again to see Nina, the girl adopted by the Kaden’s as we passed their hotel. When we said they weren’t there, he seemed satisfied and we kept going.
Keith and I played some Uno and Carson watched some cartoons. He kept coming back to us and hugging in between episodes on the dvd. I just don’t know what to think. I am braced for more poor behavior as we are scheduled to see a tomb tomorrow. At the moment, he is sitting on the back of my chair combing my hair. From lovebug to wild child in the blink of an eye and back again!
Three more days in Shenyang. We fly to Guangzhou on the evening of the 2nd.
12 days down and 7 to go……..
We had planned to go to Wal Mart again to try and buy a new camera and some other things. I asked Maggie to ask him if he wanted to go. Thanks heavens he said yes and that Maggie went with us. It was a complete switch. He stayed with us, happily chose more books and some dvd’s, joked around putting other things in the basket. He was like a different child. When we left the store to walk back to where the van was parked, he slipped his hand in mine to cross the street. I think that he knows exactly what he is doing. However, I think once he gets into it, it must be hard for him to climb out. Sort of like a cry that start small and then you don’t know how you got to those great big gasping sobs. It’s easy to get so angry when it is purposefully hurtful but then I remember how hard this might all be for him.
He watched a video in our room and then we ventured out since it wasn’t freezing ( I also bought gloves!). A few blocks from our hotel was a street with little carts and small vendors. He spotted a stuffed panda that we bought. He was great at figuring out the money as we couldn’t tell what the woman was saying and the price was not posted. We bought things at a couple of other vendors and he always did the money. As we walked back to our hotel, he kept playing with his panda. It climbed up trees and took rides on his head. It was hairy for a moment when it set off a car alarm as Carson danced it across the hood of a car. We certainly were stared at then! He asked again to see Nina, the girl adopted by the Kaden’s as we passed their hotel. When we said they weren’t there, he seemed satisfied and we kept going.
Keith and I played some Uno and Carson watched some cartoons. He kept coming back to us and hugging in between episodes on the dvd. I just don’t know what to think. I am braced for more poor behavior as we are scheduled to see a tomb tomorrow. At the moment, he is sitting on the back of my chair combing my hair. From lovebug to wild child in the blink of an eye and back again!
Three more days in Shenyang. We fly to Guangzhou on the evening of the 2nd.
12 days down and 7 to go……..
Monday, October 29, 2007
Running Off Some Energy
We realized that we are at the halfway point of our trip. Hallelujah!
I seem to be the master of the bath. I again supervised Carson’s morning bath (or swim) and again the bathroom stayed dry. Dry, that is, until I left the bathroom and didn’t notice it getting to high. Saved by dad. Interesting how Carson rinses the shampoo from his hair. He is unused to baths so when he has lathered up, he jumps up, rests his upper body on the counter and rinses his hair in the sink. He is very clever.
We went to a park today. It had a lake with small bridges and area where people exercise. I thought it would have a playground but just t he exercise equipment. Carson definitely likes the superhero play. I learned today that most of what boys watch on TV here is superhero play, including some measure of violence. It is what he knows. We worked today on when it is ok to do that behavior and when not. Basically, never with mom and only when dad says they can play. He had his first series of time outs of any consequence. I am finally becoming immune to the stares of others. Mostly because I am so tired of being ignored and laughed at by Carson when I discipline him. I am only requiring 2 minute time outs now. I had the guide explain that in the US, he is likely to get 8 minute timeouts due to being 8 years old when he is in school or if he goes to day care.
We found an area next to the park with rides. Keith did a strange bike in a wheel sort of contraption with Carson and Carson did a small roller coaster a couple of times by himself. Then I was up. I got on a ride that looked like a scrambler. Was I ever mistaken. With Carson seated in front and leaning back against me, we started to spin. Our cart turned on its side. Then I heard it. The noise. The noise that said the whole darn thing was going up on a giant arm and tilting us while it spun. I was so scared that I screamed and cried through the whole thing. I think Carson enjoyed my terror. I was shaking for a good 10 minutes after I got off. Our guide said that Carson told me thank you for going with him but I was so out of it, I didn’t hear a word. Carson really ran off some energy for the first time today. So much energy that he wanted a nap when we got back. No way was I letting him sleep during the day. I’m sure he didn’t get naps before and I was afraid of what might happen tonight if he slept during the day.
We had lunch at a dumpling restaurant a few doors down from the hotel. Many places do not own forks so we are getting better at chopsticks. We headed back to the hotel to check in with the Kaden family who are here from Wisconsin adopting an almost 10 year old girl. We met on the Dalian Yahoo Adoption group.
We went to the Kaden’s hotel to meet them. Carson and Nina were in school together and seemed very happy to see each other. What a beautiful family. They have 2 beautiful bio daughters, both fluent in Chinese, and 2 adopted Chinese daughters. They just received their older Chinese daughters this morning. Five lovely daughters. Lisa and Dave were such nice people and I learned a little more about Chinese boys from Lisa who has a little more personal experience than I. You never know where you are going to learn things that will help. We also talked about a possible summer get together this next year with Zach and his family who live in MN. Zach was adopted right before Carson. MN sounds like a great place for a summer vacation for next year! I think if we can keep these children in touch with each other, it would be a very special connection over the years.
We stopped at the market across from the hotel again as Carson wanted to buy grapes. Other than a small amount of ice cream, he really does not care for sweets. He didn’t even want any of the sweet and sour pork I had at lunch since it was sort of candied.
Tomorrow we are going to the Imperial Palace. Don’t know how Carson will enjoy that, but knowing that we are at the halfway point gives me a little more energy! I am really starting to miss by girls at home.
10 days down and 9 to go.
I seem to be the master of the bath. I again supervised Carson’s morning bath (or swim) and again the bathroom stayed dry. Dry, that is, until I left the bathroom and didn’t notice it getting to high. Saved by dad. Interesting how Carson rinses the shampoo from his hair. He is unused to baths so when he has lathered up, he jumps up, rests his upper body on the counter and rinses his hair in the sink. He is very clever.
We went to a park today. It had a lake with small bridges and area where people exercise. I thought it would have a playground but just t he exercise equipment. Carson definitely likes the superhero play. I learned today that most of what boys watch on TV here is superhero play, including some measure of violence. It is what he knows. We worked today on when it is ok to do that behavior and when not. Basically, never with mom and only when dad says they can play. He had his first series of time outs of any consequence. I am finally becoming immune to the stares of others. Mostly because I am so tired of being ignored and laughed at by Carson when I discipline him. I am only requiring 2 minute time outs now. I had the guide explain that in the US, he is likely to get 8 minute timeouts due to being 8 years old when he is in school or if he goes to day care.
We found an area next to the park with rides. Keith did a strange bike in a wheel sort of contraption with Carson and Carson did a small roller coaster a couple of times by himself. Then I was up. I got on a ride that looked like a scrambler. Was I ever mistaken. With Carson seated in front and leaning back against me, we started to spin. Our cart turned on its side. Then I heard it. The noise. The noise that said the whole darn thing was going up on a giant arm and tilting us while it spun. I was so scared that I screamed and cried through the whole thing. I think Carson enjoyed my terror. I was shaking for a good 10 minutes after I got off. Our guide said that Carson told me thank you for going with him but I was so out of it, I didn’t hear a word. Carson really ran off some energy for the first time today. So much energy that he wanted a nap when we got back. No way was I letting him sleep during the day. I’m sure he didn’t get naps before and I was afraid of what might happen tonight if he slept during the day.
We had lunch at a dumpling restaurant a few doors down from the hotel. Many places do not own forks so we are getting better at chopsticks. We headed back to the hotel to check in with the Kaden family who are here from Wisconsin adopting an almost 10 year old girl. We met on the Dalian Yahoo Adoption group.
We went to the Kaden’s hotel to meet them. Carson and Nina were in school together and seemed very happy to see each other. What a beautiful family. They have 2 beautiful bio daughters, both fluent in Chinese, and 2 adopted Chinese daughters. They just received their older Chinese daughters this morning. Five lovely daughters. Lisa and Dave were such nice people and I learned a little more about Chinese boys from Lisa who has a little more personal experience than I. You never know where you are going to learn things that will help. We also talked about a possible summer get together this next year with Zach and his family who live in MN. Zach was adopted right before Carson. MN sounds like a great place for a summer vacation for next year! I think if we can keep these children in touch with each other, it would be a very special connection over the years.
We stopped at the market across from the hotel again as Carson wanted to buy grapes. Other than a small amount of ice cream, he really does not care for sweets. He didn’t even want any of the sweet and sour pork I had at lunch since it was sort of candied.
Tomorrow we are going to the Imperial Palace. Don’t know how Carson will enjoy that, but knowing that we are at the halfway point gives me a little more energy! I am really starting to miss by girls at home.
10 days down and 9 to go.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Chinese Wal Mart
Chinese Wal Mart
Saturday (day 7) was our first unscheduled day. Although it was raining and rather cold, we walked to Starbucks for lunch and caught a cab to WalMart. Crazy. It was 3 stories. China has these escalator type things without stairs so you just roll your cart on it. I think it is magnetic so your cart doesn’t move. Carson was pretty comfortable tossing things into the cart. We bought snacks and clothes for him. We later learned that the thing he is eating the most is dried squid. He also loves sunflower seeds and pistachios. He chose nearly 20 more books. As we were heading toward the exit, which was super crowded, I had what felt like my first mommy to my son moment. As we entered the crush of people, he reached for the side of the cart and stayed very close to me. Seems like such a small thing but it felt like he was depending on me for the first time.
Keith had to stand in the rain for 15 minutes to get a cab but we made it back to the hotel. Carson was happy to stay in the room and watch cartoons and read. Keith went down to KFC again and brought dinner back. Sooooo tired of KFC but we know Carson will eat the chicken and we can easily order there. He had picked out ramen noodles at Walmart as well, so he made several bowls of that. He is a very independent child. He was very funny when I opened the window. They pump the heat into the rooms until you are ready to sleep on the cooler bathroom tile. He acted like he would freeze to death with the window open so he started moving the table and chairs so that he could move his bed a couple of feet from the window. They really believe in bundling children up here and I think the kids think they will get sick from open air in a room. We all went to sleep about 9.
Today, (day 8) we woke up rested for the first time. I facilitated today’s bathing with Carson. Today was also the first time without a flooded bathroom. I tried to communicate that he was taking a shower instead of a bath. These tubs are quite shallow. Even though I removed everything that I thought could be used as a plug, he circumvented me again. He took the round soap and put that over the drain. Dang, it worked. Anyway, he floated in the water and did not splash even one time! As one of my yahoo adoption friends put it, he may have figured out that you don’t mess with mama jama.
We went to the zoo today. This is the largest zoo in Shenyang; we were disappointed. We were freezing as the weather was in the high 30’s. It took just a few minutes to walk around the exhibits. There were only about 3 animals out because it was so cold. We had to wait about 45 minutes to get on the bus. Then we were driven sardine style through the zoo with stops at various points where we remained in the bus. The animals were fed through the front window. Pretty weird to see a slab of meat hanging off a stick for the tigers to eat. There were huge, tigers, lions, bears, etc., that ate and followed the bus until we left their area.
Our driver drove us to a public pool so that we could buy a suit for Carson. Keith walked over to see the pool at the hotel next door but Carson says he would rather read or watch dvd’s for now. It appears that the Intercontinental has more restaurants with English writing so if behavior holds up, we will attempt that tonight.
Tomorrow we will go to a park with a playground. I am praying for warmer weather because I cannot stay outside long in 30 something degree weather. I think Carson does better when it is just the three of us. Maybe he feels he has to appear loyal to his f mother still for appearances sake. Who knows. He was pretty loving last night so I’m hoping that lovely little boy comes back today,
8 days down and 11 to go…………..
Saturday (day 7) was our first unscheduled day. Although it was raining and rather cold, we walked to Starbucks for lunch and caught a cab to WalMart. Crazy. It was 3 stories. China has these escalator type things without stairs so you just roll your cart on it. I think it is magnetic so your cart doesn’t move. Carson was pretty comfortable tossing things into the cart. We bought snacks and clothes for him. We later learned that the thing he is eating the most is dried squid. He also loves sunflower seeds and pistachios. He chose nearly 20 more books. As we were heading toward the exit, which was super crowded, I had what felt like my first mommy to my son moment. As we entered the crush of people, he reached for the side of the cart and stayed very close to me. Seems like such a small thing but it felt like he was depending on me for the first time.
Keith had to stand in the rain for 15 minutes to get a cab but we made it back to the hotel. Carson was happy to stay in the room and watch cartoons and read. Keith went down to KFC again and brought dinner back. Sooooo tired of KFC but we know Carson will eat the chicken and we can easily order there. He had picked out ramen noodles at Walmart as well, so he made several bowls of that. He is a very independent child. He was very funny when I opened the window. They pump the heat into the rooms until you are ready to sleep on the cooler bathroom tile. He acted like he would freeze to death with the window open so he started moving the table and chairs so that he could move his bed a couple of feet from the window. They really believe in bundling children up here and I think the kids think they will get sick from open air in a room. We all went to sleep about 9.
Today, (day 8) we woke up rested for the first time. I facilitated today’s bathing with Carson. Today was also the first time without a flooded bathroom. I tried to communicate that he was taking a shower instead of a bath. These tubs are quite shallow. Even though I removed everything that I thought could be used as a plug, he circumvented me again. He took the round soap and put that over the drain. Dang, it worked. Anyway, he floated in the water and did not splash even one time! As one of my yahoo adoption friends put it, he may have figured out that you don’t mess with mama jama.
We went to the zoo today. This is the largest zoo in Shenyang; we were disappointed. We were freezing as the weather was in the high 30’s. It took just a few minutes to walk around the exhibits. There were only about 3 animals out because it was so cold. We had to wait about 45 minutes to get on the bus. Then we were driven sardine style through the zoo with stops at various points where we remained in the bus. The animals were fed through the front window. Pretty weird to see a slab of meat hanging off a stick for the tigers to eat. There were huge, tigers, lions, bears, etc., that ate and followed the bus until we left their area.
Our driver drove us to a public pool so that we could buy a suit for Carson. Keith walked over to see the pool at the hotel next door but Carson says he would rather read or watch dvd’s for now. It appears that the Intercontinental has more restaurants with English writing so if behavior holds up, we will attempt that tonight.
Tomorrow we will go to a park with a playground. I am praying for warmer weather because I cannot stay outside long in 30 something degree weather. I think Carson does better when it is just the three of us. Maybe he feels he has to appear loyal to his f mother still for appearances sake. Who knows. He was pretty loving last night so I’m hoping that lovely little boy comes back today,
8 days down and 11 to go…………..
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Travel is Good!
Travel is Good!
Carson slept peacefully last night giving him plenty of energy to keep us busy at breakfast. He traveled from Dalian, his birth city, back to Shenyang today. We will stay her until we fly to Guangzhou on 11-2. He slept most of the way in the van. Travel is good, he sleeps! Before we left, I bought a beautiful cloisonné tea pot to be given to him and his wife on their wedding day. I wanted it to be something from his birth city. We gave him a pad of paper and his first box of crayons in the van. He drew lots of pictures of us and our guide. He seemed to enjoy making us look like monsters.
We spent the afternoon in the hotel room reading while Carson watched some of his new videos. We then attempted dinner if the hotel restaurant. When we got to our table, he immediately began pulling things off the wall and banging silverware. We had agreed that behavior like this would be stopped so Keith picked him up and went back to the room. I had a beautiful dinner all by myself with duck and udon noodles and peaceful dessert. 30 minutes of bliss. I returned to a sad Keith and a sad Carson. Keith thought that maybe he had scared Carson so they were both in a not so great place. I sat with them while Keith talked to him and patted him. Then he went to get KFC again so Carson would have something to eat. While he was gone, Carson laid against me on the bed as I was reading. Kind of up and down but at least showing some sort of affection. We have determined that he is a master manipulator to get what he wants so we have been bracing ourselves. Nothing so far. He picked up the phone while Keith was out and called his foster mother. It seemed to be a calm conversation of about 10 minutes. He ate his chicken and is happily playing in the tub with the shower running above him.
Tomorrow we attempt a cab ride to Wal Mart to get pants for him and the promised books. He is a voracious reader and I make sure I have one in my bag for him at all times. Hopefully we can find a place to play ball and shoot his cars around. He took the Simon trickster into the bath tub tonight so that it shot. Thanks, Keith. I can’t complain too much about that though. Keith has handled the baths and one comes out drenched when finished. Along with the floor and ceiling and walls, etc. we basically empty the room before we run the water.
Although today wasn’t perfect, it was the best one so far. 6 days down and 13 to go.
Carson slept peacefully last night giving him plenty of energy to keep us busy at breakfast. He traveled from Dalian, his birth city, back to Shenyang today. We will stay her until we fly to Guangzhou on 11-2. He slept most of the way in the van. Travel is good, he sleeps! Before we left, I bought a beautiful cloisonné tea pot to be given to him and his wife on their wedding day. I wanted it to be something from his birth city. We gave him a pad of paper and his first box of crayons in the van. He drew lots of pictures of us and our guide. He seemed to enjoy making us look like monsters.
We spent the afternoon in the hotel room reading while Carson watched some of his new videos. We then attempted dinner if the hotel restaurant. When we got to our table, he immediately began pulling things off the wall and banging silverware. We had agreed that behavior like this would be stopped so Keith picked him up and went back to the room. I had a beautiful dinner all by myself with duck and udon noodles and peaceful dessert. 30 minutes of bliss. I returned to a sad Keith and a sad Carson. Keith thought that maybe he had scared Carson so they were both in a not so great place. I sat with them while Keith talked to him and patted him. Then he went to get KFC again so Carson would have something to eat. While he was gone, Carson laid against me on the bed as I was reading. Kind of up and down but at least showing some sort of affection. We have determined that he is a master manipulator to get what he wants so we have been bracing ourselves. Nothing so far. He picked up the phone while Keith was out and called his foster mother. It seemed to be a calm conversation of about 10 minutes. He ate his chicken and is happily playing in the tub with the shower running above him.
Tomorrow we attempt a cab ride to Wal Mart to get pants for him and the promised books. He is a voracious reader and I make sure I have one in my bag for him at all times. Hopefully we can find a place to play ball and shoot his cars around. He took the Simon trickster into the bath tub tonight so that it shot. Thanks, Keith. I can’t complain too much about that though. Keith has handled the baths and one comes out drenched when finished. Along with the floor and ceiling and walls, etc. we basically empty the room before we run the water.
Although today wasn’t perfect, it was the best one so far. 6 days down and 13 to go.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Better Blog Today
Unbelievable Gift
Quite a day. We drove to the orphanage in our van. 2 of the other 3 families met us there. We were the first to arrive and we had our guide explain to the director, Ms. Pan, that Carson is still calling his foster mother a lot. She talked to him about calling once a week and about being respectful to his parents in his behavior. We saw all of the rooms that the children use, bathrooms, shower rooms, exercise, classroom, assembly. Carson seemed to be a hit with the younger children, especially when he passed out the candy we brought. He acted like a wild child, running and flitting from place to place. He kept teasing other adults and I was so much at a loss for what to do. We had lunch there and our guide told us that the director and one of the caregivers said that we needed to discipline him more. It was difficult for me not to cry at that point because I will not spank him and I will not be rough. When he caused trouble at the lunch table with the president sitting next to Keith, I asked our guide what those 2 people would have expected me to do in that situation. She couldn’t answer. Nothing is easy right now.
We tried to shop to get Carson some more clothes. He kept dropping like a lump to the ground so Keith finally picked him up to carry him down the steps. Carson bit him and we both knew that it was time to step up the discipline. We sat on a bench with him in between us and Maggie kneeling. She talked to him for a long time. It was interesting that he stayed leaning against Keith during the whole time. I finally asked her to ask him if he wanted to be with us. He said no and my response was that we were his parents, he was our son and that was that. We loved him and in the Crossley family, we do not hurt each other. We found a place to buy DVD’s. He tolerated me because I bought them and gave them to him. I use tolerate loosely. He was very clear that he wants nothing to do with me.
After shopping, we drove to JinZhou district where Carson was born. His information told us that he was born in a hospital and his parents disappeared while there. Not true. Carson kept dropping like a lump to the floor so Keith stayed with him in the lobby while Maggie and I went to the maternity floor. We looked into a room and a nurse came out. Maggie told her why we were there and the woman started to cry at his name. She was the one who found him! He was not born at the hospital. He was abandoned there in the corridor. He had a note that he was one month old, so his birthdate as given to us is incorrect. He was wrapped in a warm sleeping bag. This nurse (who is now the Director of Nursing) called the police and many of them came. It was unusual to have a baby abandoned in a hospital. They took him to the police station (consistent with our information) and one day later taken to the Dalian Social welfare Institute. The nurse wanted to meet him so Maggie went to get Keith and Carson. While this was happening, there was a pregnant woman lying on the table next to me having some sort of test with a fetal monitor listening to the whole thing. When Keith and Carson came in, up to a dozen people kept coming in and out and listening to the story. I think the story was spreading among the staff. I asked Maggie if Carson was uncomfortable and she thought not. She thought this could be very healing for him to have a beginning to his story, even one that is a month from his birth. She told him how lucky he was and all of those other predictable things. She also told him that he was a very lucky boy to be found be her and to be saved by us. Other children in the orphanage are not so lucky. He is to treat his parents with respect and learn as much as he can. She expects him to go to University and come back in 10 years to see her. There were several other details of his abandonment that we will keep private for him. This was an amazing gift that we did not expect.
Maggie came to our room to be sure that we could handle getting DVD’s going with Chinese instructions. Carson actually asked her to ask me if he could call his f mother one time tonight and then watch one of the new DVD’s!! I said yes and he gave me a thumbs up. He has watched one now and gave me a hug and wo ai ni when done. He is now happily splashing in the tub, which he requested. I have no illusion that the rest of the trip will be a piece of cake but the last hour of easier time with him gives me hope.
The comments and emails you all are sending are enormously helpful. It feels very much like Keith and Carole against the world. Being stared at as you stand by a lump of 8 year old on the ground is getting old!
More tomorrow!
Quite a day. We drove to the orphanage in our van. 2 of the other 3 families met us there. We were the first to arrive and we had our guide explain to the director, Ms. Pan, that Carson is still calling his foster mother a lot. She talked to him about calling once a week and about being respectful to his parents in his behavior. We saw all of the rooms that the children use, bathrooms, shower rooms, exercise, classroom, assembly. Carson seemed to be a hit with the younger children, especially when he passed out the candy we brought. He acted like a wild child, running and flitting from place to place. He kept teasing other adults and I was so much at a loss for what to do. We had lunch there and our guide told us that the director and one of the caregivers said that we needed to discipline him more. It was difficult for me not to cry at that point because I will not spank him and I will not be rough. When he caused trouble at the lunch table with the president sitting next to Keith, I asked our guide what those 2 people would have expected me to do in that situation. She couldn’t answer. Nothing is easy right now.
We tried to shop to get Carson some more clothes. He kept dropping like a lump to the ground so Keith finally picked him up to carry him down the steps. Carson bit him and we both knew that it was time to step up the discipline. We sat on a bench with him in between us and Maggie kneeling. She talked to him for a long time. It was interesting that he stayed leaning against Keith during the whole time. I finally asked her to ask him if he wanted to be with us. He said no and my response was that we were his parents, he was our son and that was that. We loved him and in the Crossley family, we do not hurt each other. We found a place to buy DVD’s. He tolerated me because I bought them and gave them to him. I use tolerate loosely. He was very clear that he wants nothing to do with me.
After shopping, we drove to JinZhou district where Carson was born. His information told us that he was born in a hospital and his parents disappeared while there. Not true. Carson kept dropping like a lump to the floor so Keith stayed with him in the lobby while Maggie and I went to the maternity floor. We looked into a room and a nurse came out. Maggie told her why we were there and the woman started to cry at his name. She was the one who found him! He was not born at the hospital. He was abandoned there in the corridor. He had a note that he was one month old, so his birthdate as given to us is incorrect. He was wrapped in a warm sleeping bag. This nurse (who is now the Director of Nursing) called the police and many of them came. It was unusual to have a baby abandoned in a hospital. They took him to the police station (consistent with our information) and one day later taken to the Dalian Social welfare Institute. The nurse wanted to meet him so Maggie went to get Keith and Carson. While this was happening, there was a pregnant woman lying on the table next to me having some sort of test with a fetal monitor listening to the whole thing. When Keith and Carson came in, up to a dozen people kept coming in and out and listening to the story. I think the story was spreading among the staff. I asked Maggie if Carson was uncomfortable and she thought not. She thought this could be very healing for him to have a beginning to his story, even one that is a month from his birth. She told him how lucky he was and all of those other predictable things. She also told him that he was a very lucky boy to be found be her and to be saved by us. Other children in the orphanage are not so lucky. He is to treat his parents with respect and learn as much as he can. She expects him to go to University and come back in 10 years to see her. There were several other details of his abandonment that we will keep private for him. This was an amazing gift that we did not expect.
Maggie came to our room to be sure that we could handle getting DVD’s going with Chinese instructions. Carson actually asked her to ask me if he could call his f mother one time tonight and then watch one of the new DVD’s!! I said yes and he gave me a thumbs up. He has watched one now and gave me a hug and wo ai ni when done. He is now happily splashing in the tub, which he requested. I have no illusion that the rest of the trip will be a piece of cake but the last hour of easier time with him gives me hope.
The comments and emails you all are sending are enormously helpful. It feels very much like Keith and Carole against the world. Being stared at as you stand by a lump of 8 year old on the ground is getting old!
More tomorrow!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Update from Carole & Keith in China
We had a 3 hour layover in Beijing and then landed in Shenyang at 7:10. We went straight to our hotel with our guide. We had enough time to brush our teeth and get the gift for Carson in the bag and head downstairs to meet him.
He hugged us when instructed with a sheepish smile. While Keith signed temporary custody papers, I gave Carson the bag. He opened the lego car kit and wanted to put it together right away. We took pictures with all of the officials and then our guide left. We didn’t know that she wouldn’t be staying at our hotel so that was scary.
We headed up with Carson. I had forgotten to close the suitcase with all the toys and things to use over the next couple of weeks. He dove in and wanted to open everything. Note to those of you still to come: Do NOT bring anything you can’t put together! Carson kept telling Keith to put together the Lego car and me to do the transformer. We were hopelessly inept. For two hours this went on. I put on my pajamas and got into bed hoping this would help. Nope. I got back up.
He wasn’t interested in pajamas or toothbrushing. We didn’t fight it and let him sleep in what he was wearing. He has slept with the light on both nights so far. He didn’t want to change the next morning either. I remembered that at the orphanage they change every other day so again didn’t push it since we had to go to the civil affairs office and start paperwork.
Carson has been calling his foster mother frequently. We didn’t stop him in the beginning. Yesterday, after several calls, we said no more until the next day. He cried, yelled, knocked things over and acted like he was going to punch me. Keith quickly stopped him. He also kept trying to go out the window (12th story) or out the door. We piled suitcases in front of the door which didn’t help. He is very strong. Keith covered the door and I covered the window. We are exhausted. I finally let him call her and she didn’t answer. I think she knew it was him and is trying to help the calls slow down. He finally got through around 10:30, 2 hours after the grieving and anger began. She sounded harsh with him and he hung up on her and went straight to bed. He slept until this morning.
I was able to get his clothes off finally and get some others on him. We have not yet managed a shower or teeth brushing. That will be the battle for tonight. We drove about 4 hours today to Dalian. We did paperwork and came back to our hotel, the Ramada Inn. Carson is again trying to get through to his foster mother. I don’t know whether she is not answering purposely or not. When we visit the orphanage tomorrow, we will ask the director, Ms Pan, to talk with him about this. He is very violent in his actions and really doesn’t want much to do with me. Our guide and I think that he may be shunning me now as a way to remain loyal to his foster mother. I can live with that. He has been very sweet previously. He accidentally hit me with a bat the first morning and immediately was hugging me and telling me he loved me in Chinese. He has been a spontaneous hugger up until the calling problems.
He is picking up a few words, bathroom was the first. Might as well pick an important one! He can also count to 10 and is very proud. I watch him problem solve and thing he is clever. He also loves to read. We went to a bookstore and we walked out with several bags. He has kept himself very quiet through all of the govt paperwork by reading. He even carries it and reads as we walk along the street.
I believe this is going to get easier. It is exhausting for now and we are seriously struggling. Hopefully the visit to the orphanage and a talk with Ms. Pan will improve things.
He hugged us when instructed with a sheepish smile. While Keith signed temporary custody papers, I gave Carson the bag. He opened the lego car kit and wanted to put it together right away. We took pictures with all of the officials and then our guide left. We didn’t know that she wouldn’t be staying at our hotel so that was scary.
We headed up with Carson. I had forgotten to close the suitcase with all the toys and things to use over the next couple of weeks. He dove in and wanted to open everything. Note to those of you still to come: Do NOT bring anything you can’t put together! Carson kept telling Keith to put together the Lego car and me to do the transformer. We were hopelessly inept. For two hours this went on. I put on my pajamas and got into bed hoping this would help. Nope. I got back up.
He wasn’t interested in pajamas or toothbrushing. We didn’t fight it and let him sleep in what he was wearing. He has slept with the light on both nights so far. He didn’t want to change the next morning either. I remembered that at the orphanage they change every other day so again didn’t push it since we had to go to the civil affairs office and start paperwork.
Carson has been calling his foster mother frequently. We didn’t stop him in the beginning. Yesterday, after several calls, we said no more until the next day. He cried, yelled, knocked things over and acted like he was going to punch me. Keith quickly stopped him. He also kept trying to go out the window (12th story) or out the door. We piled suitcases in front of the door which didn’t help. He is very strong. Keith covered the door and I covered the window. We are exhausted. I finally let him call her and she didn’t answer. I think she knew it was him and is trying to help the calls slow down. He finally got through around 10:30, 2 hours after the grieving and anger began. She sounded harsh with him and he hung up on her and went straight to bed. He slept until this morning.
I was able to get his clothes off finally and get some others on him. We have not yet managed a shower or teeth brushing. That will be the battle for tonight. We drove about 4 hours today to Dalian. We did paperwork and came back to our hotel, the Ramada Inn. Carson is again trying to get through to his foster mother. I don’t know whether she is not answering purposely or not. When we visit the orphanage tomorrow, we will ask the director, Ms Pan, to talk with him about this. He is very violent in his actions and really doesn’t want much to do with me. Our guide and I think that he may be shunning me now as a way to remain loyal to his foster mother. I can live with that. He has been very sweet previously. He accidentally hit me with a bat the first morning and immediately was hugging me and telling me he loved me in Chinese. He has been a spontaneous hugger up until the calling problems.
He is picking up a few words, bathroom was the first. Might as well pick an important one! He can also count to 10 and is very proud. I watch him problem solve and thing he is clever. He also loves to read. We went to a bookstore and we walked out with several bags. He has kept himself very quiet through all of the govt paperwork by reading. He even carries it and reads as we walk along the street.
I believe this is going to get easier. It is exhausting for now and we are seriously struggling. Hopefully the visit to the orphanage and a talk with Ms. Pan will improve things.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Practice
Hi everyone!
Carole's little sister trying to figure this out so I can help while she is away to bring my new nephew home!
Carole's little sister trying to figure this out so I can help while she is away to bring my new nephew home!
New photos of our son
Cindy, a mom I met through our Dalian Yahoo Adoption Group, is in China now adopting her son Zach. She has been so wonderful to give those of us waiting photos and information on our children. In the last post I included a photo that she took of our two boys. Carson is on the left. Aren't they both handsome boys?! Cindy says that Carson was brought along as Zach and Hannah were being adopted so that he can see the process before we get there next week. She says that he has a sweet disposition and likes to read. He was fascinated with her husbands blonde hair and kept rubbing his head. He should be happy with Keith and I! He really liked the matchbox cars and nerf football that Zach had so we went to the mall and the girls picked out more cars and another football for him.
I've added another picture from Cindy. Carson is on the right.
Five days and counting!
very challenging itinerary
We received news several days ago that there is a change to our itinerary again. The person responsible to bring Carson to us cannot bring him on the scheduled day. She is bringing another child on the 22nd and cannot make the trip back to Dalian to get Carson and be back in Shenyang on time. So it was decided that she would bring him with her while she brings the other child. Great news that we will meet him several days earlier.
The challenging part is that we land in Beijing at 2:25 PM, wait at the airport until 6:10 to make the hour flight to Shenyang. Our guide will meet us and take us to our hotel to check in. Then WE GET CARSON! No shower, no changing clothes, nada. We will look like zombies but adrenaline will probably have up pretty hyped up. A positive may be that we are at the end of the day so if it is overwhelming for Carson, it will soon be bedtime and he can relax. I am nervous about the first meeting. One can't scoop up an 8 year old like you would a baby. But, I want him to feel how much we already love him. A gift, a snack, and maybe a talk through our guide and off to bed.
I just hope that he is not sitting in the lobby waiting for us when we walk into the hotel!
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Great News-Sad News
The great news is that we will meet our son, Carson Zhou Crossley, 8 days earlier. The sad news is that our trip has been extended and is now 18 days. That is a long time for three year olds to be without Mom and Dad. Although we will miss Hope and Hannah like crazy, we both know it is the right decision to leave them home. They are pretty high maintenence kids and although they will have plenty of sad moments, it is more important to keep them healthy and be able to devote 100% of our attention to our new son. We will not be traveling with a group this time so we would have fewer adults to help us.
The trip has been extended because Carson's birth city, Dalian, now requires adoptive parents to be in the province for 10 days before issuing his passport to move on to Guangzhou. This is where the US Consulate is located and where he will have his medical exam. We enjoyed Guangzhou very much in 2004. OK, Hilary and I enjoyed it. Keith didn't look so thrilled with the teen and wife when they returned with even more shopping bags.
With the Olympics coming next year, we expect to see many changes from our last trip. There was a great deal of refurbishing of buildings going on so we look forward to the improvements. My personal hope is that many of the squat toilets have been replaced with western toilets. I won't be so foolish this time as to take so many toilet seat covers. What I really need is stronger thigh muscles!
I'll post more as we learn more about our itinerary.
The trip has been extended because Carson's birth city, Dalian, now requires adoptive parents to be in the province for 10 days before issuing his passport to move on to Guangzhou. This is where the US Consulate is located and where he will have his medical exam. We enjoyed Guangzhou very much in 2004. OK, Hilary and I enjoyed it. Keith didn't look so thrilled with the teen and wife when they returned with even more shopping bags.
With the Olympics coming next year, we expect to see many changes from our last trip. There was a great deal of refurbishing of buildings going on so we look forward to the improvements. My personal hope is that many of the squat toilets have been replaced with western toilets. I won't be so foolish this time as to take so many toilet seat covers. What I really need is stronger thigh muscles!
I'll post more as we learn more about our itinerary.
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